Alright, alright- so I have blogged a lot today. Perhaps it is my need to take a break from the marketing research that is my job. Perhaps it is also the mere fact that I might as well take advantage of this impulsive bug that has pushed my procrastination out of the way for this short period of time. Either way I feel compelled to write about 3. Be Single- By Choice- For At Least a Year
In your twenties, being single can be down right scary. Especially if you come from Northwest Indiana. Where it is not only socially acceptable- but also expected of you- to have the job of your dreams, be married, have children, own a home and a mini van by the lowly age of 27. I will NEVER forget the Christmas I attended a very close friend from college's Christmas party. Our group was inseparable during those years- and like many groups- had grown apart shortly there after. I managed to keep in touch with them all, but never like it once was. *tear*
Anyway, I was single, living in the city, and had what I thought at the time was a decent job. I felt like I had entered the twighlight zone. I was LITERALLY the only non-coupled, childless person in the room. Seriously, I do not exaggerate. I was 25-26 at the time and I remember sitting there looking at everything, almost like I was watching it from a distance. A conversation I had with a guy I used to know went like this:
guy: "So, what are you doing now?"
me: "I'm living in the city, still working for IJL"
guy: "Are you married yet?"
me: "Nope."
guy: "Dating anyone?"
me: "Nope."
guy: (extremely odd look on his face) "What do you do then?!"
No seriously, that was the conversation. If you are from where I grew up- it makes all too much sense. Sad, but true.
I decided to be single for at least a year shortly into my second move back to the city. It was my condo on Clark & Division- the scene for some of my favorite memories, and arguably my favorite year of life. I had gone through what every girl my age had- an onslaught of shitty, shitty relationships. Shitty is an understatement people.
I had been single for a period of time, when I remembered what another good friend from college had once said to me. She was my roommate and was going through a bad breakup. When I returned home from work one evening, she came bounding out of her room and said "I'm going to be single for at least 3 months!" I remember thinking it would be tough for her- yes I thought that- but that it was probably the best idea she ever had. This girl holds a really special place in my heart for teaching me SO very much about relationships- on her dime. She messed up a lot and I learned from her mistakes. Perhaps it was our large age difference- her 28 years to my 21 years. She was also the girl who inadvertently slapped me back to my senses when I was engaged and actually thinking of going through with marriage my Sophomore year of College- at the age of 18. I owe her more thanks than she even knows.
Her words stuck out in my head- and you know those magical moments in time, where you get this beyond brilliant idea and it just makes sense? It pops into your head and you realize "THIS IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS!" It just made sense to me. So I did it. I made the choice and I did it. I am sure that my job at the time didn't do much to help- more on that in another blog- but I had the right frame of mind. I was sick and tired of putting everything I had into one failed relationship after another. I was sick and tired of pretending to like things I didn't, putting my needs second, and helping someone else through their problems and leaving mine lie in a heap on the floor.
It was exhilarating. Scary? Yes. Simply because most of my good friends from high school were running off and getting hitched and procreating. Buying houses when all I could afford was Ramen noodles and tubs of frosting from the Jewel "10 for $10" Bargain wall. But, I learned more about myself than I ever knew prior to that. I also met some of the most FANTASTIC friends that year in the city. That apartment was constantly filled with life- all 450 some odd square feet of it. Waking up and drinking pots of coffee till 4pm while lying in my stale bar smell and pajamas watching reruns of Laguna Beach was simply fabulous. Not shaving my legs was brilliant. Ignoring guys that had tired, stale, RIDICULOUS, pick up lines was totally freeing. Choosing what to do because I, and only I, wanted to do it was breathtakingly freeing.
My year of choosing to be single all too quickly turned into 2- and then another dear, dear friend allowed me to open my eyes to see I had done a complete 360 degree turn to the town of "Bitter and Cynical." I was quickly en route to becoming the crazy cat-lady, minus the horrid cats plus the dogs. One more month and I would have been the crazy old lady on the block who sits on her lawn in a green mesh chair wearing a moo-moo and curlers in her hair, holding the hose with promises of spraying neighborhood kids who touched her property. Only if you knew me at that stage in my life, did you realize I had taken the "choosing to be single" like a drug. Everything in moderation is really key here. I had over-dosed and it was time to start letting people in. And, I did- thanks to the help of some very amazing people- who already know their role in that stage of my life, a lot of tears, and a lot of trust I never knew I had.
All in all, I don't regret any of it. It allowed me to reflect on previous relationships to see where I was at fault (not that!), learn who I was and what I was and was not willing to compromise for anyone, put my friends and family first in my life, and really get to know who Erica was.
I won't say I didn't have my setbacks in years after that. But I will always think VERY fondly back to that tiny apartment, the friends I held so dear, the memories I made, and the lessons I taught myself. Which, in hindsight, is the best lesson of all.
In your twenties, being single can be down right scary. Especially if you come from Northwest Indiana. Where it is not only socially acceptable- but also expected of you- to have the job of your dreams, be married, have children, own a home and a mini van by the lowly age of 27. I will NEVER forget the Christmas I attended a very close friend from college's Christmas party. Our group was inseparable during those years- and like many groups- had grown apart shortly there after. I managed to keep in touch with them all, but never like it once was. *tear*
Anyway, I was single, living in the city, and had what I thought at the time was a decent job. I felt like I had entered the twighlight zone. I was LITERALLY the only non-coupled, childless person in the room. Seriously, I do not exaggerate. I was 25-26 at the time and I remember sitting there looking at everything, almost like I was watching it from a distance. A conversation I had with a guy I used to know went like this:
guy: "So, what are you doing now?"
me: "I'm living in the city, still working for IJL"
guy: "Are you married yet?"
me: "Nope."
guy: "Dating anyone?"
me: "Nope."
guy: (extremely odd look on his face) "What do you do then?!"
No seriously, that was the conversation. If you are from where I grew up- it makes all too much sense. Sad, but true.
I decided to be single for at least a year shortly into my second move back to the city. It was my condo on Clark & Division- the scene for some of my favorite memories, and arguably my favorite year of life. I had gone through what every girl my age had- an onslaught of shitty, shitty relationships. Shitty is an understatement people.
I had been single for a period of time, when I remembered what another good friend from college had once said to me. She was my roommate and was going through a bad breakup. When I returned home from work one evening, she came bounding out of her room and said "I'm going to be single for at least 3 months!" I remember thinking it would be tough for her- yes I thought that- but that it was probably the best idea she ever had. This girl holds a really special place in my heart for teaching me SO very much about relationships- on her dime. She messed up a lot and I learned from her mistakes. Perhaps it was our large age difference- her 28 years to my 21 years. She was also the girl who inadvertently slapped me back to my senses when I was engaged and actually thinking of going through with marriage my Sophomore year of College- at the age of 18. I owe her more thanks than she even knows.
Her words stuck out in my head- and you know those magical moments in time, where you get this beyond brilliant idea and it just makes sense? It pops into your head and you realize "THIS IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS!" It just made sense to me. So I did it. I made the choice and I did it. I am sure that my job at the time didn't do much to help- more on that in another blog- but I had the right frame of mind. I was sick and tired of putting everything I had into one failed relationship after another. I was sick and tired of pretending to like things I didn't, putting my needs second, and helping someone else through their problems and leaving mine lie in a heap on the floor.
It was exhilarating. Scary? Yes. Simply because most of my good friends from high school were running off and getting hitched and procreating. Buying houses when all I could afford was Ramen noodles and tubs of frosting from the Jewel "10 for $10" Bargain wall. But, I learned more about myself than I ever knew prior to that. I also met some of the most FANTASTIC friends that year in the city. That apartment was constantly filled with life- all 450 some odd square feet of it. Waking up and drinking pots of coffee till 4pm while lying in my stale bar smell and pajamas watching reruns of Laguna Beach was simply fabulous. Not shaving my legs was brilliant. Ignoring guys that had tired, stale, RIDICULOUS, pick up lines was totally freeing. Choosing what to do because I, and only I, wanted to do it was breathtakingly freeing.
My year of choosing to be single all too quickly turned into 2- and then another dear, dear friend allowed me to open my eyes to see I had done a complete 360 degree turn to the town of "Bitter and Cynical." I was quickly en route to becoming the crazy cat-lady, minus the horrid cats plus the dogs. One more month and I would have been the crazy old lady on the block who sits on her lawn in a green mesh chair wearing a moo-moo and curlers in her hair, holding the hose with promises of spraying neighborhood kids who touched her property. Only if you knew me at that stage in my life, did you realize I had taken the "choosing to be single" like a drug. Everything in moderation is really key here. I had over-dosed and it was time to start letting people in. And, I did- thanks to the help of some very amazing people- who already know their role in that stage of my life, a lot of tears, and a lot of trust I never knew I had.
All in all, I don't regret any of it. It allowed me to reflect on previous relationships to see where I was at fault (not that!), learn who I was and what I was and was not willing to compromise for anyone, put my friends and family first in my life, and really get to know who Erica was.
I won't say I didn't have my setbacks in years after that. But I will always think VERY fondly back to that tiny apartment, the friends I held so dear, the memories I made, and the lessons I taught myself. Which, in hindsight, is the best lesson of all.
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1 comment:
Stop. I'm at work, and this blog (and pictures) almost made me cry! That year/two was really important for me too. I love ya.
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