26. Learn Which Friends I Cannot Trust- And Do Not Take It Personally

This lesson was quite hard for me to learn. Being that I was engaged at a very young age, to a guy who was not good for me, I lost quite a few friends. Not for lack of my friends being supportive, but because I was too young to value my friends, and far too young to understand the importance of a balance between my relationship and my friends. I do not regret that part of my life as it taught me a lot about the person I was and the person I needed to be. I have since learned to be the girl who has always put my friends and family first in her life. During the time of my decision to be single for a year, I was able to make them a top priority. A lesson worth its weight in gold. Without the distractions of building a relationship- healthy or otherwise- I was able to not only strengthen a lot of my friendships, but build new ones as well. One thing I was not aware of was where I stood with them.

You see, one of the greatest things about this life we lead is that we are all here- yet very rarely are we all in the same place mentally. I realize this doesn't sound so great- but it allows us to learn from others, allows us to teach others through our own mistakes. I was in a place at that time in my life where I knew who the most important people in my life were. Although I put them first in my life and in doing so was given the ability to gain so much life from them and knowledge about who I wanted to ultimately be- they weren't necessarily in that same place with me. It wasn't always wonderful- especially to see some of my closest friends making the same mistake I made so many years ago. What made it great, is I was able to learn which of those friends I could truly trust with all my heart and soul. Every one of them had other things in their lives- things I cannot humanly assume to understand or feel. Yet, the few who valued my friendship enough to be there for me through the toughest times are the ones I know I could call at any hour of the day and they'd be there for me in any way possible.

I like to think that all of my close friends KNOW they can count on me to help them out- whether it be lending an ear to vent or driving any distance to hold their hand through a rough patch. I also know who I can count on to do the same for me. Funny enough, I always thought I could identify these people. It wasn't till I moved cross country that I realized who they really were. I can count on one hand the friends I called once I moved out here and went through the tough shit. The funny part? They weren't always the people I thought I would run to. There are 6 girls specifically that I have ran to throughout this Arizona part of my life. 6 girls who I doubt know how much I value their friendships. They listened to me vent, cry, rant, rave- whatever I needed. No questions asked. The oddest part of all of it is I think this move cross country has made us closer. Closer than we were when we lived not 10 minutes from each other. Although I haven't seen them in almost a year and a half- they are the first people I call-the first people I want to share aspects of my life with. I know in my bones that I can trust them and count on them no matter what.

Another amazing lesson from Arizona, is that you can know someone almost your entire life- and not speak to them for 10 years for whatever reason- then pick up right where you left off. People can surprise you. Another girl, who I know I will be friends with for the rest of my life- no matter the distance between us- has surprised me more than others. Selflessly offering me a place to live when I needed out of Indiana more than words could express. Not questioning my motives, not judging me- but rather praising me for being as courageous as I was. Ignoring the 10 plus years we had grown and made lives completely separate of one another. I love her dearly and will miss her more than I can express when I leave this place.

I don't know if this is something every girl goes through or if it is just my life. Throughout the last 10 years, I have always had more guy friends than girls. I always found I got along better with them- less drama etc. In the last year have come to value my girl friends more than life itself. For the first time in what seems like forever, I have these amazing women who support me, understand me, and are proud of me- no matter what. It's an amazing feeling.

Whether we've grown up together and seen each other change in ways unimaginable, whether we've just met within the last few years, or whether we have lost touch and been able to reconnect- they have taught me so very much. I don't know that I could ever repay them for everything they have done for me. I would like to think that they hold me in the same respect, that I have done for them what they have for me- but I always look to one of my favorite quotes to remind me that part isn't so important. "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same"

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, that we all have a specific plan laid out for us. I used to take it personally when I discovered that perhaps I didn't weigh in on people's scales the way they did mine. Then I realized that it was okay. Each and every person in my life has been brought there for some reason or another. I am sure you can all look back and pinpoint a friendship you no longer hold dear, that helped you through a very difficult time in your life. When that difficult time set sail- so did that friendship. Perhaps it happened gradually- but it happened regardless. And you know in the bottom of your heart even if you did reconnect it wouldn't be the same- simply because you don't have that one thing in common anymore. Regardless of that- you still hold fond memories of them- those are the footprints on your heart. No matter how quickly they left, they made a huge difference in your life.

I guess the most important part of this lesson is to not take it personally- as hard as that may be. Another thing I never counted on was seeing the friendship from the other side. When I started calling people to tell them we were moving back there was one thing I never counted on- the response I got from all my friends- even the ones I sadly took for granted. It is very humbling and very gratifying to hear the excitement in their voices and relive the memories in your head of those friendships. Even better is knowing how lucky you are to be able to have them again. Like a second chance to do it all over again- this time realizing how effing important each and every one of them is.

Before I ramble on for another 20 paragraphs- I just have to say- KT, Tiff, Stef, Mary, Jenny- and everyone else who has touched my life so hugely- thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I love you to death and cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to see you all again and pick up where we left off. And Joanna- thank you for allowing me to start over and to find the Erica that I lost.