30. Define Somewhere and Make it Home

I mentioned in my last blog how crazy things have been. Crazy is an understatement. Although I cannot deny that moving to Phoenix was one of the best decisions I have ever made, I am just not happy here. At the time that I moved out here, I just needed change. Phoenix offered me that before any other place- and at the time I was not the girl who thought out things before I leapt into them. Phoenix is far from what I had ever imagined it would be. I had this idea that downtown Phoenix was going to be like second rate Chicago. No. It is more like a really ghetto version of downtown Indianapolis- but worse. No one lives in downtown Phoenix, they just work here- or run meth labs out of their shacks. It's dusty, dirty, almost always smoggy, and completely overcrowded. Overcrowded is an understatement. It is not uncommon to see horrific accidents 2-3 times within your 45 minute commute, and insurance is outrageous due to all the illegal immigrant drivers. People here have no clue how to drive- merging is an obsolete concept for Phoenixians.

There is absolutely NO culture here- unless you count the Indian reservations and millions of illegal immigrants as culture. I am talking culture in the way of live bands, theatre, kitschy restaurants and bars- hell I'd even settle for ONE family owned bar or restaurant. Not out here, everything is chain restaurants. The food sucks. I realize how much I took Chicago and Northwest Indiana food for granted now. 95% of the time when you went out to eat back home it was phenomenal- out here 95% of the time it is beyond heinous- and I really am not exaggerating. Sure, you can go to Scottsdale (Snottsdale) and find some type of second rate club with all the wanna-be L.A. folks running around- but it ain't my cup of tea. Even those types of clubs in Chicago contained more down to earth people. Some people say "what about Tempe?" Well, I am 28 years old now, and running around with all the ASU 18-24 year old crowd is way beyond me as well. I feel ancient when in their vicinity- they truly are a different breed in and of themselves.

We also spent about 7 months attempting to purchase a house in this HORRID market. Regardless of the market- the houses out here are just- well - ick. Your average Arizona residential block goes a little something like this- cactus, rock, dirt, cactus, white stucco house, brown stucco house, tan stucco house, cactus, dead grass, dirt, cactus, someone's car parked on the dead grass in their front lawn, cactus, more stucco house, cactus, dirt. Every house looks the same. Before moving out here I never knew people could find so much beauty in a garage that they would make it the centerpiece of every architectural house design. There is no character, and people out here don't value that- or even know what that means. This state has this idea that "Oh it's 10 years old- tear it down and build a strip mall."

Even bigger than all of these issues is the fact that I have lived here for a year and 3 months and have yet to make a single friend. Not one. Steve and I are two of the most outgoing people you could ever encounter, yet we can't make friends?! Yes, it is true. What boggles my mind is when I lived in Chicago I made some of my life long friends at random bars just by striking up conversation. You strike up conversation with a random out here and they look at you as though you have 5 heads and spaghetti for arms.

My friends and family have always been the number one priority in my life, and not having anyone really affects me more than I had ever assumed it could. My mom has visited twice, and a couple other friends have been out here, but the bottom line is with gas prices and the economy- it's too damn expensive to fly out here or vice-versa. The only friend we have out here is Joanna, and really without her to keep us grounded, I think we'd go insane. Sure, we have each other, and we are beyond happy with that- but when you don't have friends on top of all the other issues I listed above, you find our life to be a little lacking. Okay- a lot lacking.

I've been depressed for a couple months now. We've been discussing options on what we can do, although we hate it here- Indiana and Chicago are non-options. We know we don't have any desire to live in those areas at this point in our lives- if ever again. We've been researching cities left and right. It's been difficult. We know we want to be somewhere within driving distance of home so we can go over weekends if we'd like. We also know that a city deep in culture is a definite need. Steve would like to be somewhere warm with very mild winters. We finally decided on Memphis. I've been there 3 times, him once. I loved it every time. It encompasses so much of me and my personality and the things I love to do. The people there have always been overly friendly- and we want to live in a not-so-big-city. That is Downtown Memphis in a nutshell. Beale Street, Sun Studios, Graceland, so many more places I could go on and on about. Memphis just feels right- and believe me- we've sat in front of a U.S. map for nights on end contemplating and researching places we'd be open to moving to.

Now, we had originally decided we would move a year from now. It would give us time to save up the enormous amount of money to move all our accumulated crap cross country, plus the security deposit for a loft Downtown, plus extra cash till I can find a job out there. Steve just started a new job working from home, after a year's time as a tenured sales rep he would be able to move anywhere and do business from home. It all made sense and we FINALLY had a plan.

Cue last Thursday. We received an ominous letter in the mail addressed to our landlord. Long story short- he owns not one, but 2 homes out here in Buckeye that he owes way more on than what they are both worth. Both homes are solely in his name, so his wife went and bought a property in Florida under her name and he will be joining her very shortly. Meaning, he is foreclosing on our property. That gives us VERY little time to make a decision on what we need to do. He stopped making payments on our property, and I have no idea what will happen next. I've heard horror stories of tenants coming home to find that the mortgage company has placed all their belongings outside and locked up the property- very very scary. We have two options- 1) use money in our savings to get movers and get a place in Phoenix- probably about $2,000 with a security deposit and movers- with the added bonus that we have NO desire to be here anymore or 2) save like gang busters and plan on moving to Memphis within the next three months.

We've been discussing this at length and have come to the conclusion that we cannot part with all that money to move to Phoenix. I cannot bring myself to do it- it's a lot of money for something I have no desire to do. I started sending out resumes to anywhere that is hiring in Memphis. We've been in contact with a real estate agent that specializes in renting lofts Downtown. We've also written out a budget to figure out where we need to be and how we are going to get there in this short amount of time. The biggest hurdle? Steve needs to approach his supervisor about taking his sales rep position (that he's had for only 2 1/2 months now) to Memphis. This is huge- if he cannot take his job, I do not know that we can make the move.

It sucks in so many ways- but mostly because this was a venture we wanted to be really excited about and prepared for. Unfortunately, it looks like we do not have that luxury. Regardless, I am trying to look on the bright side. I love Memphis, and I am so excited about being surrounded by life and culture. I am also equally excited to be within driving distance of home. An 8 hour drive will put us back in our home town whenever we want to visit our friends and family. People we miss more than life itself. And, hopefully, if we are very lucky- we will be defining Memphis as somewhere- and making it home.